


Without You

by lindsey_grissom



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2003-07-21
Updated: 2004-08-14
Packaged: 2017-10-10 13:23:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/100252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindsey_grissom/pseuds/lindsey_grissom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can a wedding bring two people back together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Invitation

**Author's Note:**

> Abandoned before the last two parts of the final chapter could be posted. Now awaiting revision and completion. Eventually.

__

'Catherine and Lindsey Willows,  
You are invited to the wedding of Nick Stokes to Sara Sidle.  
This event will take place July 4th at St Nicholas church in Las Vegas.  
Hope to see you there.

_Nick and Sara.'_

Catherine sat at her kitchen table, the invitation clasped in her right hand. Reaching out she took the glass of gin from the table and raising it shakily to her mouth she whispered a cheers and swallowed the liquid at  
once. She was happy for Sara and Nick, she really was, it was about time they got it together, she'd known they loved each other before they had, but she wasn't sure if she could face going back there. To see them after  
so long, granted it was only 2 years but a lot can happen in two years, the invitation she held was proof of that.

Standing up she placed the invitation on the table and headed for the drinks cabinet. She wasn't a large drinker but the thought of having to go back and see him again was too much for her to handle. Pouring herself a  
double scotch she picked up the invitation again and sat herself down on the couch. Slowly sipping the drink this time she fumbled with the card in her hand, her mind drifting back to 2 years ago.

***********************

His office suddenly seemed so dark and unfamiliar. She couldn't remember being this nervous since she joined the Night Shift almost 10 years before. Taking a deep breath and pulling in all the courage she had, she knocked on the door.

Hearing a slight grunt of acknowledgement from within she cautiously opened the door and took a step in.  
She stood there for a while, watching him from her position in front of the doorframe. She watched as his brow furrowed as he continued to type what she assumed to be a report.

Noticing the feeling that someone was watching him he looked up and locked eyes with Catherine. Seeing the discomfort in them, he began to search her eyes for a reason as to why. He could see a conflict of emotions filling them, he saw the sorrow and regret but also the anticipation and slight excitement too.

As soon as his eyes met hers she felt her control slip, her defences fell and allowed him access to her inner turmoil. Suddenly aware of the way he was searching her, she blinked and broke the eye contact. She needed him  
to know what she was here to tell him, but not why she was.

He watched her break the contact between them and a knot filled his stomach, he had been close to finding something, something she wanted to keep from him. When she looked up again he saw that her defences were back  
up and he could no longer see into her. All he could see was the false emotions she wanted him to believe.

Sensing that he was going to say something, she spoke first; she needed to get this weight of her as soon as possible so she could leave.

"Umm, Gil, I well. . ." She inwardly cursed herself for her nerves, and then continued. "I have come to tell you that. . ."

"Would you like to sit down?" He interrupted her, sensing that what she had to tell him was not going to be good news he thought it would be best if she told him sitting down.

"No, I'm not staying long." She saw the look of shock and concern fill his feature as she declined his offer, then she saw the look of confusion.

Deciding she had put it off long enough, she spoke fast and didn't stop until she had said all she could.

"Gil, I'm leaving, I put in my notice 2 weeks ago but I couldn't tell you and well, I'm leaving tonight. I'm moving to Miami, they have a job set up for me there where I will be the head of the nightshift and although it is the same hours it's higher paid even though I'm not going for the money, but well, I need to get away, Lindsey needs a new start away from here, where she can start again and I need to get away from the memories and  
everything. I have letters for the rest of the team, explaining all this but I couldn't write one for you, I needed to see you in person, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier but I just couldn't find the best time but I had to see you and tell you before I went." She quickly but gently placed the letters on the desk in front of him and before rushing from the office she turned and looked at him,

"I'm sorry." Was all she could say as she stepped through the door for the last time and felt the tears begin to fill her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

***********************

Just thinking about that morning brought the tears back to her eyes. How could she ever see him again, she hadn't even been able to say a proper goodbye. He hadn't followed her and she left him no time to. She was gone  
before he could say anything and she had been in Miami before he could call her.

She was supposed to be his best friend but she couldn't even say goodbye. She was the worst best friend ever, and he must hate her for it. She had known that he needed her then, after the operation. But she had left,  
maybe it was for the best, that's what she had told herself but she didn't really believe that, it just made things easier for her to cope with. But know those thoughts came pouring back. There was no way he would want to  
see her again after what she had done, and she didn't think she would be able to see him.

She picked up the pen laying on the coffee table and signed the invitation answering it with a simple 'unable to come can't get time off work.' She knew it sounded sharp almost uncaring but it was better than the truth and  
easier than going.


	2. Regrets and Refusals

Grissom watched from through his open office door as Sara and Nick walked hand in hand to the break room. He was so happy for them, they deserved each other, they deserved to be happy, even if he couldn't be. He shook his head in an attempt to clear the thoughts running through it. It didn't help, it never did, and watching them only made it worse. He was sure that when he looked at them his eyes turned cold and remorseful, people thought he was uncaring and not happy for the two of them, but it wasn't that, it was that instead of Nick and Sara, he saw him and Catherine. He saw how it could have been. How it should have been.

A gentle tap on his door brought him back from his thoughts. Looking up he saw Warrick standing in his doorway.

"What's up Warrick?" He asked putting on his normal façade and closing off his thoughts.

"Well, Nick and Sara want to see us in the break room, they say that they've got all their replies back and thought we'd like to be there when they read them, especially as it's such a slow night tonight." He knew why Sara had suggested that Grissom be there. They had to make sure that there weren't any surprises. They hadn't told him that they had invited Catherine, though Warrick was sure he must have guessed, but they knew they had to make sure that he knew if she did. They didn't know how he would react upon seeing her there, so knowing before hand might help. They still  
were not sure if she would come. They hadn't seen her for two years and had not spoken for about 1 year. But Grissom hadn't spoken to her since she left.

"Ok, lets go then." Grissom said finally, lifting himself from his chair and moving towards the door, closely followed by Warrick.

Entering the break room Grissom saw the box of replies that had been placed in the centre of the table. As he sat he saw Warrick glance across at Sara, and just noticed the small smile and nod that accompanied it.

Nick was first to speak, picking up the first letter as he did.

"Ok, this one's from my aunt Joyce and Uncle Chris and," he paused as he read the invitation "they will be coming." This earned him a hug from Sara and a smile from both Grissom and Warrick. He placed the letter in another box that lay beside the letters.

"This one is from Sara's cousin Tara and she will be coming." They continued through the pile of replies, the acceptation box becoming more and more full with each one.

"This ones from Cath" He paused, Grissom could feel every eye on him, and having stopped listening fully to what was being said, wondered why.

Looking up at Nick he realised, Nick had just said Cath.

Trying to calm his voice before continuing, Nicks gaze once again returned to the letter.

"This ones from Catherine, she says she can't come as she can't get time off work."

Silence filled the break room. Everyone once again looked at Grissom, with both concern and sorrow for him, and their own sorrow showing in their eyes.

Each of them had their own ideas as to why Catherine wasn't coming, but neither of them believed her lie. It just wasn't like the Catherine they knew, she would have moved heaven and earth to be at the wedding. No there was something going on and each of the younger CSI's knew that it had something to do with Grissom. And they were going to find out.  
Before any of them could say a thing, Grissom' Cell phone rang as everyone else' pagers went off.

As they all exchanged the same glances, Warrick, Nick and Sara, knew that they had to find out what had happened when Catherine left, and the real reason for her not returning. Even if they had to wait until after shift.


	3. Photographs and Lies

**3 months later** (2 days before the wedding).

Catherine sat once again at her kitchen table, sipping her wine and holding the invitation in her hands. She could not forget about it, no matter how hard she tried, it just would not leave her mind. It had brought back too many memories and feelings that she thought she was over, but were just as strong as before. She had tried working loads of overtime to take her mind off things, but it had just made her distracted. She was sure that if it got any worse they would fire her on the spot, they had all but said as much last shift.

She took another long sip of the drink, leaning back in the chair and letting the cool liquid slid down her throat. She leaned forwards once more and pulled another piece of paper from under the invitation. Staring at the photo she could not help the tears that began to fill her eyes. It showed the Las Vegas Graveyard Shift, Lindsey and Greg, standing outside CSI headquarters. They all looked so happy. Nick and Sara were standing next to each other, their linked hands partly hidden behind Warrick's.

Lindsey stood in front of Greg, his arms around her waist. She saw herself leaning back into Grissom, both of them had huge grins on, she was facing the camera, but his eyes were directed at her. She could still remember the feeling it had brought to her. She could feel his gaze on her and it made her body warm, she had felt safe and the happiest she had ever been. They had been a family, they probably still were, but she had run away, like she had run away from her family when she was 17, she had run away from the family she had loved. The man she had loved.

She wished with all her heart that it had been different. That she hadn't left. That she hadn't stopped visiting. With every day she had pushed the thoughts deeper within her, but at the same time those thoughts had become stronger. It had taken the invitation for her to finally realise what a mistake she had made. But then, maybe she had known all a long; she just never wanted to admit it to herself.

But was it too late? Had she left it too long?

She knew there was only one way to find out. She had nothing to lose. She had already lost her family, and Grissom. Maybe this was her last chance to get it back.

With a look of both anxiety and determination, she stood from the chair and walked to the living room. Picking up the phone, she dialled. Finally taking the action she should have years ago.


	4. Smiles and Silences

**1 Day before the Wedding.**

They all stood in the break room. Glasses of champagne in their hands, smiles on their faces, and joy in their hearts. Everyone but Grissom. He looked happy, and to everyone else he seemed so. But not to the 3 younger CSIs that stood around him. They knew that the news of Catherine's refusal had affected him more than he let on. They had tried to find out more about why she had left that night, but the case had been harder than expected and they had been unable to talk to Grissom about it. They never found the time after that. Work and preparations for the wedding had kept them busy but they had not forgotten.

"So Nick, how does it feel? Your last night of freedom and you're spending it here, with your fiancée." This gained Warrick chuckles from Sara and a few of the lab techs that had overheard.

"He just can't get enough of me I guess." Sara stated, a sarcastic grin on her face, which soon transformed into one of surprise as her gaze landed on the break room doors and the person walking through them.

"Hey isn't that. . ." before she could continue, a voice shouted through the busy chatter of the room.

"Auntie Sara!" Warrick and Nick's heads swung round to face the little blonde, whose voice they would never forget.

"Lindsey!" Confusion and happiness filled her voice as she picked up the girl and embraced her in a hug. Putting her down, Sara began to open her mouth to speak, but the little girl had just noticed the others watching her.

"Uncle Warrick! Uncle Nick!" She received hugs from them both, and Warrick swung her around. Turning she saw Grissom talking to Greg, completely unaware of her presence.

Cautiously she walked up to him and tapped him on the back. Slowly he turned in reaction to the gentle touch. At first he saw no one but suddenly he caught a glimpse of blonde that drew his attention down. He saw her eyes light up when she caught his eye. In that moment he forgot about the others around him and all he could think about was the little  
girl that he now held in his arms. Her giggling and the sudden silence that fell upon the room brought him back to reality. Looking around he found everyone looking towards the door. Curiosity filling him, he too looked that way. The sight that met him was something he thought he'd never see again. Something that he only saw in his memories and dreams.

"I'm not too late for the party, am I?" Her voice broke the silence and the spell that had suddenly filled the room.

It was all it took. Sound once again enveloped the room as people rushed towards the woman that had been out of their lives for 2 years.

As the crowd died down and Warrick and Greg had said their hellos, Nick and Sara had spoken to her about their wedding and how they finally got together, Grissom watched as Catherine was led towards him by Sara, who swiftly left, leaving him, Catherine and Lindsey alone.

They both stared at the girl in his arms, unable or unwilling to look at each other, afraid to see what was showing in the other's eyes.

After a long silence between them, Lindsey was the first to speak.

"Uncle Gil, we came back for the wedding. Mom said that we were going to be together again for a while. Are we?" She asked with all the innocence only a child has.

"I don't know sweetheart, I hope so." He answered, still not looking at Catherine.

Looking up as he spoke, Catherine was could not believe what she heard.

"Do you really?" She questioned, somewhat afraid of the answer.

Looking at her for the first time since she had stood in front of him, he spoke, so softly that she almost missed the answer.

"Yes."


	5. Revelations and Goodbyes

She couldn't believe her ears. She didn't believe them. How, after two years of being apart and after she just walked out on him when he needed her could he have forgiven her? This was the last thing she had expected.

She watched him as he hugged her little girl. They had always been so close. She loved to watch the change that over came Grissom when he was around Lindsey. She'd missed that. In fact she had missed 'this'. She missed her friends and family; Sara, Nick, Warrick and even Greg. She missed working as a team with them, she missed the way their faces lit up  
when they found evidence or solved a case. But she realised now that what she missed most of all was Him. That last thought scared her. How was she ever going to make it the way it used to be. They had probably all moved on with their lives. Sara and Nick had, why wouldn't Grissom? Perhaps her coming was not such a good idea after all. She should have stayed back in Miami instead of coming back to her 'old' friends and her old home.

"So Cath, what did you have to do to get some time off?" Sara interrupted her thoughts.

"Well, I just reminded myself how much you guys mean to me and how I just wouldn't forgive myself if I missed your big day, and then I warned my boss that if I didn't get the time off I would just quit." She replied with half the truth. She really had told her boss that she was going to take time off, but they had threatened her with immediate dismissal if she did leave, so she handed in her badge and gun right there and left for good.

"Ahh, they couldn't bare to lose you, ay, Cath? Thought they'd better just give you the time off." Greg added, his voice held the familiar excitement she had nearly forgotten.

"Something like that." She mumbled as she turned quickly away from them. The others took that as an end to that line of conversation. Grissom however didn't. Placing Lindsey down on the floor and turning to face Catherine he questioned her about her comment.

"What do you mean 'something like that'? What exactly happened?" He spoke calmly but his voice held the authoritative tone, he used when she was working with him.

Not wanting to go into the details and point out that she was now unemployed, she let the anger of hearing his tone, fill her and disguise what she truly felt.

"What does it matter to you, what exactly happened? I got some time off, that's all that you need to know. I don't work for you anymore so stop acting like you're my superior!" She paused as she let her words sink in.

She regretted what she had said as soon as it had left her mouth. It wasn't his fault that she wasn't working for him or anyone else for that matter. It wasn't his fault that she had not seen him for 2 years. It was her fault.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that." She looked around at the group as she spoke. Each face showed the same expression of surprise and sadness. "I should probably leave. I shouldn't have come. I've been gone far too long for me to just come back."

Turning to face Sara and Nick she said; "I hope you and Nick have a great life together and find in each other the love and respect you each deserve. And Warrick, maybe you'll be the next wedding, or maybe it will be Greg's." She smiled slightly at the embarrassment that flashed across Greg's face. But as she turned to face Grissom once again the smile faded. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything. More than you will ever know. Oh, and if any of you feel like moving to Miami there is a job going as head of night shift, I'm sure any of you could do it better than I did." With that she turned picked up Lindsey, who started crying and reaching towards Grissom, and started to head towards the doors through which she had entered.

"Wait."

Grissom surprised them all by calling after her. She turned at the sound of his voice. Her eyes glistening with tears. Again the room fell silent, even Lindsey stopped crying and looked at Grissom. While the others glanced from Catherine to Grissom and back again. Waiting for what was next to come.

"You can't just leave again. Not after coming back. Not without saying goodbye. Not again. Do you know what it was like after you left? You didn't even speak to Nick, Sara, Warrick or Greg. You just wrote them letters, as if that was going to make up for leaving. It didn't."

She had been silent throughout Grissom's speech. Silent tears slipping down her cheeks. But now she spoke, releasing everything she had felt when she had left, everything she had tried to forget while she was gone.

"Did you ever think what is was like for me? You kept pushing me away. You weren't there when I needed you the most. Eddies death affected me more than I let on. If you hadn't been so busy ignoring me you might have noticed. Even after the explosion you weren't there. Do you know how much it hurts to be pushed away by the one person you thought would always be there, to be ignored by the one of the people you care about more than anything in  
the world? Because that's why I left. Yes I did feel guilty about the explosion but I could have gotten through that if you had been there, but you weren't, so I left. I thought it was the best. I thought that I would be able to move on. And the way I had been around you, I thought it would be better for the rest of you to forget about me, to move on and..." She placed Lindsey down on the floor, who ran straight to Grissom.

Catherine wiped away the tears and looking at the floor, she continued. " And, find love and have the life I couldn't have. Which you did. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I didn't mean to. It was wrong of me, I know that now. But it's too late. I don't care if you all hate me; I hate myself for what I did. Have a great day tomorrow. Lindsey let's go." She reached out to the little girl, but Lindsey only clung harder onto Grissom's leg.

"I don't want to go again. I want to stay here with Uncle Gil." Her voice was pleading, and tears were beginning to fill her little eyes.

Catherine laughed. It wasn't her usual laugh full of happiness, the laugh that made her eyes dance and filled everyone around her smile. It was an ironic laugh, full of sadness, regret and remorse.

"I guess I hurt more people than I thought." She said when she had finished laughing.

Grissom, with one hand stroking the top of Lindsey's head, spoke quietly, but his voice was full of regret and sadness.

"Maybe it's not all your fault."


	6. Secrets and Surprises

"Maybe I did push you away. No, I know I did. But I thought it was for the best. After that one night, I... I couldn't live with myself for taking advantage of you when you were vulnerable. I thought that you would hate me so I pushed you away to stop you from hating me. I guess it didn't work." Grissom chuckled slightly but the sadness that still filled his eyes gave away his true thought on the matter.

Everyone in the room was once again looking at Catherine. Their minds filled with questions that only the two people before them could answer. 'When was this night that Grissom had spoken of?' 'What happened?'

But neither person moved. Their eyes locked, each searching the others soul.

Finally it was Catherine that broke the heavy silence.

"You should have asked me how I felt instead of ignoring me and pushing me away. I would have told you how that night was the best night of my life and how," She paused, still looking Grissom dead in the eye, finding the courage to go on. "how much I loved you. Love you."

If possible the room went even quieter as the people in it were transfixed on the scene, taking place before them. Their minds hardly able to take in all the secrets being revealed between their usually unemotional closed off boss and the woman they hadn't seen for 2 years.

If the other occupants of the room thought their minds were confused; Grissom's mind was in complete lockdown. All that filled his head were the words 'how much I loved you. Love you.' Luckily for him his heart took over from his brain and made his feet move towards the woman who had just exclaimed her love for him.

Upon finishing her small speech, her gaze had fallen to the floor. As soon as she had spoken the word 'love' she had regretted it but still felt relieved to have finally told him her feelings, she only wished it could have been under better circumstances.

She gasped when she felt someone touch her cheek. Her eyes closed as the familiar hand lowered itself to hook under her chin. Gently he nudged her face up to his. Her eyes were still shut and as he brought his face down to meet hers, he longed for her to open them; to see her eyes. As if hearing his silent request her eyelids fluttered open and she saw, in the bright blue eyes, all the emotions she had been feeling for years, reflected there. She continued to look into his eyes until she felt his lips on hers.

The kiss was gentle and sweet. Neither wanted to part but the sudden clapping and cheering that filled the room brought them back to where they were and remembering that they were in front of a room full of people the broke apart and turned to face their audience. They both focused on Sara, Nick, Warrick and Greg, who was holding Lindsey in his arms. Their faces were lit up and they were clapping and cheering along with everyone else.

Turning back to face each other, as conversations once again begun around them, Grissom whispered jokingly into Catherine's ear.

"Anymore secrets you want to share?" The grin fell from his face as he pulled back and saw the serious expression on her face and the almost unnoticeable nod. Leaning in towards him she spoke, her voice as soft as silk.

"Something else came out of that night." Slowly and carefully she pulled a picture from her pocket and holding it between them she turned it to face him.

"You have a son."


	7. Memories and Mistakes

"Wha- What? How? When?" Grissom spluttered, his gaze never leaving the picture he now held in his suddenly shaking hand.

"Gil I wanted to tell you, I really did but I couldn't." She spoke quietly but her voice full of remorse for keeping it from her.

"You couldn't tell me? You couldn't tell me something this important?" He's voice started out softly but the anger and shock caused it to get louder with each word.

Trying desperately to hush him before anyone overheard, she dragged him out of the break room and into his office. Shutting the door, she took a moment to gaze around at the room she hadn't seen for 2 years. The room that held so many memories.

Looking to the desk she saw most of those memories captured in the frames that stood beside the computer screen.  
The first was of the day that her and Gil had organised the surprise birthday party for Lindsey, but as they were both working they had done it in the break room. Halfway through the night they had noticed the absence of the birthday girl, and after searching most of the rooms in the building, had found her curled up in sleep on his coach in the office. They had grabbed a camera from one of the guests at the party and taken the picture.

The one beside it was of both her and Lindsey sitting on his desk. Lindsey was looking at one of his glass jars and she was looking at him behind the camera.

Another picture was positioned next to the desk lamp. It was of just her; taken just after her return from Miami, her skin was slightly tanned and she was holding his favourite spider in the palm of her hand.

The last of all was of all three of them; Lindsey, Gil and her. It had been taking only a few weeks before she had left. They were all huddled close together. Gill sitting on his chair, Lindsey on his lap and Catherine leaning down to them both from behind the chair. They looked so happy. It looked like nothing could ruin their perfect family. Looking at the picture, she could almost forget that something did happen, lots of things and that the perfect family they once had had disappeared.

"When were you going to tell me?" Gils voice broke through the memories. It wasn't loud, but the anger and betrayal was easily heard.

She looked at him, her mind registering the words but her mouth unable to produce an answer.

"When? Next year? The year after? When he started asking where his dad was or weren't you going to tell me at all? Find someone else to be his dad and forget all about me. Forget that I had a right to know that he existed. Ignore that the only thing I ever wanted was a child with you."

His voice broke with the last sentence and he collapsed onto the couch, his head in his hands, the photo slipping to the floor in front of Catherine.

Catherine stayed standing, her hand gripping the desktop to stop her self from slipping to the floor, tears silently slipping down her cheeks.

She wanted to go to him, to take him in her arms and hold him, to take away all his pain. But she couldn't, because she was the cause of that pain.

They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. Lost in thought.

Catherine now sat on the floor, her back pressed against the wooden desk, her eyes never ceasing to stare at Gil's head, which he still held in his hands.

He couldn't believe that she had kept this from him. He couldn't believe she hadn't told him before now. He couldn't believe she was back. He couldn't believe a lot of things at that moment. But most of all he couldn't believe that the gorgeous baby in the photo was his. Even when he closed his eyes he could still see the baby grinning at him. His baby.  
The fluffy blonde hairs just like his mother's but the eyes; the eyes were his. Suddenly he wanted to know more than what he looked like. He wanted to know all about him; his name, his favourite food, his favourite colour, his first words. He wanted to know everything that a father should know about his son.

Slowly he raised himself from the couch and, grabbing his sons picture from the floor, he stepped around a surprised Catherine and placed himself on his chair behind his desk. He sat there for a while looking at the new photo on his desk before breaking the thick silence.

"What's his name?" The sudden noise caused Catherine to jump and a small gasp to escape her lips. She stood and turned to him. The scare causing her to forget his question.

"Sorry?" She spoke it as a question but she meant it in so many ways.

"I asked you what my son's name is." He stated looking at lamp, unable to meet her eyes.

"Oh, it's Junior, I mean Gilbert Grissom Junior. I could see you in him as soon as he was born and I thought that even if I couldn't tell you myself then when he was older he would be able to find you through the name. I've shown him pictures of you since he was born and he knows that you're his dad." By the time she had finished, the tears were falling again and Grissom was looking at her, but it was Catherine that could not make eye contact.

"You should have told me." He stated simply. Most of his earlier anger disappearing at the sight of her tears. They reminded him that she wasn't as strong as she liked to think and he remembered just how much he loved her.

"I know. But I love you so much and I couldn't face you again, I couldn't speak to you. I thought you didn't want me and that was killing me. I couldn't bear the sight or sound of you because I thought you didn't love me. And I thought that if I did tell you then you would have come and got him and I couldn't let that happen. I was so messed up when I left. I couldn't think straight. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The tears turned to sobs. Gil couldn't stand to see her this upset.

He didn't want to hurt her. He never meant to hurt her ever. All he wanted was her and a family. He had had that once and he let it go. He couldn't do that again. As angry he was that she hadn't told him, he knew he would be angrier with  
himself if he let her go again. She had made a mistake, they both had. He walked around to her and pulled her to him. She tried to move away but he held her tighter and she turned and clung to him, her tears soaking his shirt, his mixing with her hair.

When the sobs had subsided she pulled away and looked up at him. Unsure of what emotions she would see in his eyes; anger, betrayal, hatred, but all she saw was love. The same love that had been there only minutes ago in the breakroom.

He saw her staring at him and couldn't help the smile from forming on his face. His smile was immediately greeted with one of her own; before she placed her head back on his chest.

"Can I see him?" It was a question they both knew would come soon, and even though he knew he shouldn't be, Grissom was scared what the answer would be.

"Yes." She answered almost immediately. She wanted them to be a family again just as much as Grissom. "When?" she added.

"Now, straight away." He said, just a quickly.

"But, we are in the middle of a party. We can't just disappear, someone will wonder where we are."

"We've been gone an hour already and no one has noticed. Come on. We could go by the door and signal to Lindsey, and then we can go now. Where are you staying?"

He was already moving around the office grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair, his keys from his desk and wrapping an arm around her he guided her out into the corridor before she could even process the questions.

Whispering that she was staying at her sisters and that was where Junior was, they headed back towards the break room.

Fortunately Lindsey was sitting on a chair close to the door, and Greg, who was sitting beside her, was busy talking to another young lab tech.

Slipping silently into the room Catherine tapped her daughter on the shoulder and placing one finger on her lips and using another to point to the door where Grissom stood, guided her out into the corridor.

Only one person saw them leave, but he knew they'd be alright if they were together and he didn't want to interrupt them when they looked happy.

Plus the lab tech next to him was really cute. They wouldn't have wanted him to miss that opportunity.

The car ride was anything but quiet. Lindsey, filled with a new amount of excitement at seeing her mother and Grissom together, talked endlessly filling in Grissom about Miami and upon learning that he knew about her brother, she was more than happy to tell Gil all about him.

Gil listened as Lindsey told him about her school and her friends and how she was glad they were back because she had missed everybody. But he noticed his attention increase when she began to talk about her little brother; his son. He found out his favourite colour; blue, his favourite toy; a black beetle at which point Catherine interrupted and stated that that taste must have come from his father.

"Do you know what his first word was?" It was more of a rhetorical question than a real one. "He pointed at a picture of you on the windowsill and said 'dadda', and mum nearly cried." She said it as though crying about that was really stupid, but Gil understood because his eyes were full of tears at the mention of it.

Finally they reached the house. They exited o he car and began to walk up the path towards the door. Suddenly Grissom was stopped. Not by someone but something. A sudden thought had entered his mind. What if his son didn't want him? What if he didn't like him? A soft hand squeezing his brought him back and looking at Catherine she answered his unasked  
questions.

"He will like you. He will want you. I promise."

They found their way to the door just as it opened, and a little bundle threw itself at them.


	8. Father and Son

Catherine picked up the little boy, from around her ankles and hugged him close. The toddler started struggling against her and when she loosened her grip on him he leaned away and looked straight at Grissom.

Just the sight of the child for the first time made Grissom's heart flutter. Studying him through slightly blurry eyes, Grissom realised that the photo he'd been shown didn't do him justice. He was beautiful. He was so like his mother, but he also saw so much of himself there too. He watched his son as Catherine hugged him. His Son, he liked the sound of that. His mind had drifted and so had his eyes, he was now studying Junior's head, well the back of it, that was until he turned from his mother's grasp and looked Gil in the eyes.

Catherine watched as her son faced his dad. The two of them just stared at each other, neither blinking, as they saw each other for the first time. It was as if time stood still. A tug on her jacket broke Catherine's study of the two people in front of her. Looking down to Lindsey for the first time since entering the house, she felt a surge of guilt, at forgetting the girl. Nodding and smiling at the little girl she once again turned her head back to Gil. He was still looking at the child in her arms, but this time it was only him looking. Junior had turned his attention from watching his father to reaching towards him. Realising immediately that Junior had recognised Gil, she knew what to do.

Seeing Catherine coming towards him, and Junior's arms out stretched, fear gripped him. It didn't release its hold on him until Junior had been placed awkwardly in his arms. Catherine couldn't help but laugh at the look of panic on Gil's face as he held his son, and the look of discomfort evident on the child's face as he struggled to get a better position in Gil's arms. After straightening out Junior Catherine saw Gil's face relax as Junior snuggled up to him. After watching the two of them for a while longer, savouring the reality of the dream she had wished for since Junior's birth, she wondered again how she could have held back telling Gil about him, she turned around and shuffled Lindsey into the kitchen to make a late night snack, although it was closer to morning than night now.

Grissom was so absorbed in the feel of his son against him and the smell of him, a mixture of Catherine's scent and the unique smell that babies have, that he didn't notice Lindsey and Catherine leave.

He couldn't believe it. In just a few hours his life had changed from having nothing to having Catherine back and a son. A son. He still couldn't totally believe it; even holding him in his arms seemed surreal. Perhaps that's what it's supposed to feel like. He thought, smiling to himself as he felt his son move and snuggle deeper to him. Moving to the small couch, he sat down and gently shifting his son round so he could see his face as he began to drift to sleep. A small sigh and whisper escaped from the child's tiny lips, almost too soft to hear, but Grissom didn't miss it, and he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as his heart registered the meaning of the words before his mind had a chance.

He too began to drift to sleep, the evenings events and the overwhelming peace he felt at holding his sleeping son, overtaking him as he lent back into the couch and his eyelids slipped shut, releasing his mind to dreams of his son and the 'family' that had returned to him.

She had been watching him almost since she'd left the room, after making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Lindsey. She lent against the doorframe separating the living room and the kitchen. From this angle she had a clear view of both Gils. She didn't move, although she was certain she wouldn't have been noticed had she ran in screaming. The scene in front of her was truly breathtaking. Gil was gently cradling their son in his strong arms, while both slept silently, pure contentment on their faces. Closing her eyes she saw herself in those arms, a matching look on her face while she held Lindsey and Junior to her; a real, happy family.

She felt her daughters hand slip into her own, and without opening her eyes she draw her daughter in front of her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Opening her eyes again, both watched father and son before them; smiles lighting their faces, and brightening their eyes for the first time in two years.

Catherine's sister had watched the scene from her hidden position at the top of the stairs. Seeing that both boys were asleep and her sister and Lindsey's smiles she crept silently back up stairs, her own smile pulling at her face.


	9. Thank Yous and Laughter

He awoke with a start as a small object thumped him in the chest. Opening his eyes, it took him a several seconds to recognise his surroundings. Not really knowing why he was on Catherine's sister's couch, or how he got there from the party, he began to stand up. Lifting the blanket he assumed Catherine's sister had placed on top of him, he stooped dead, finally seeing what had awoken him.

The evenings events came flooding back to him, like a series of photos fighting their way to the front of his mind. 'He was at the party; Lindsey was in his arms; Catherine stood framed by the doorway looking in; they were finally talking; they were kissing; they were in his office crying, tears running down her cheeks; she was holding her son, He was holding Their Son.' That last image stayed in his head as he looked down. Junior was still curled up against him, so light he had easily missed him at first. As though knowing he was being watched, the small boy opened his deep eyes and stared straight at Gil, as though trying to remember him. The smile that crept onto his face told Gil that he was indeed recognised and he swept the boy up into the air. Swinging the boy around his head, the room was soon filled with his childish giggles, and the deep laughter of Gil himself.

He didn't stop spinning until he caught a blur of familiar blonde fly past his eyes. Steadying himself by leaning against the back of the couch, Gil held his son against his waist and turned to see Catherine watching them from the kitchen doorway. A distant expression on her face. Noticing that her expression hadn't changed, Grissom decided to break the silence.

"How long have you been there?" His voice only conveyed the curiosity and happiness that was equally evident on his face.

She didn't jump at the sound of his voice, the only change was the refocusing of her eyes on his, and the smile that slowly began to grace her lips. She tore her gaze away from him only long enough to look at her watch. When she spoke her eyes were once again on his.

"Well I've been watching you for about 20 minutes, but I've been up since 5 so..." She faded off when she noticed that Gill wasn't listening, but was far more intrigued with the tiny hands that had now encircled his thumb. He looked back up at her, tears forming a glaze over his eyes, a soft smile just tugging at his lips.

"Thank You." His voice was quite but laced with emotion.

"What for?" She thought she knew the answer to the question, she hoped with all she had that she did.

"For this", he waved with his free arm stepping closer to her with each word, "For Junior," He paused and looked her straight in the eye, "For coming back." He closed the remaining gap between them, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her so her head rested on his shoulder.

Junior sat silently in Gil's arm, sucking his thumb.

Lindsey crept silently down the stairs, dragging her cover behind her. She saw her mum, and 'Uncle Gil' with Junior and walked towards them, needing to be with them, sensing that everything was right between them. She went around to her mother's side and took her hand.

Catherine pulled her to her and hugged her close. Both she and Gil smiled.

"Gil..." After a few minutes of comfortable silence Catherine started.

"Yeh?"

"You're welcome, but I think I have to thank you. Thank you for having me back."

His smile grew as he bent his head down to her upturned lips and kissed her gently but lovingly there.

Releasing each other's lips, they turned their attention back to the two children in front of them. The smiles never leaving their faces, the feelings of pure happiness and love never leaving their hearts.


	10. The Wedding: Part One

Warrick had never seen Nick so agitated as he was now. His constant pacing in front of the standing mirror was beginning to make him seasick.

As if reading his mind, Nick suddenly stopped walking and took to adjusting his tie for the 10th time in 5 minutes.

He couldn't stop thinking of all the bad things that could happen to him. He knew he loved Sara, and was absolutely certain that she loved him back; he just knew that something would happen today. Even though he knew something would happen he wasn't sure if it would be good or bad and it was this uncertainty that was spurring his present nervousness. He couldn't shake the feeling that something had happened between Catherine and Grissom. One minute they were standing together in the break room and the next they had disappeared and no one knew where they were. He just hoped Catherine hadn't disappeared again. He needed her there. When they had received the decline to their invitation both he and Sara were disappointed but they thought they would be OK without her there, but seeing her again had made him realise that he would really miss her if she weren't there. Not to mention what Grissom would be like if she left again. He was supposed to walk Sara down the aisle, but Nick was sure that he wouldn't turn up at all after seeing Cath again. He remembered what it was like after she left over 2 years ago.

##################################################

He walked into the CSI building and was suddenly hit with a change in the atmosphere. He knew he was a little later than usual, but usually it didn't matter. This time though he could feel that something was different, something was missing. Mentally shaking it off, he headed to the locker room. Upon entering he found it empty, shrugging off his jacket he unlocked his locker. Opening the door, a slip of white caught his eye as it feel to the ground. Hanging up his jacket and closing the door he bent to pick up the envelope from the floor. Turning it over he found his name written on the front. He recognised the handwriting but couldn't place it. Turning it over he slipped his finger beneath the flap and pulled out a folded slip of cream paper. His curiosity growing each second, he unfolded the paper and found the page filled with writing in the same hand as on the envelope. A subtle scent came from the page. One he recognised as Catherine's, and he instantly placed the handwriting to her as well. Now feeling more scared than anxious he began to read what she had written, the knot in his stomach raising with every word.

_Dear Nick,_

_I know that as you read this you're probably sitting on the bench in the locker room, late again, and I just want to say that I wish I could be sitting there with you, telling you this in person, but I can't, so I'll write it instead._

_I've watched you grow from that bright eager young man you were, to the intelligent, witty man you are now, and I'm privileged to have seen that. You take such pride and conviction in your work, and that is something many people lack. But even without your work you are a fabulous man and I know that you will make some girl really happy one day. I know a certain stubborn woman not too far away that regularly sends you glances when she thinks no ones looking._

_These past months have been the hardest of my life for me and you and the others helped me through it as best you could but this is something I have to work through alone._

_I know in the next months you're going to hate me but I need you to know that no matter what happens you will always be one of the closest friends I have and I will miss you so much more than you will me._

_Love always,_

_Catherine W_

As he reached the end of the letter and saw her signature he couldn't help the tears that began to flow down his cheeks. She hadn't said goodbye, but he knew that that was the message behind the letter. He sat on the bench for a while longer, the tears slowing but the knot in his stomach moving to his heart. As her words sunk in he realised that by now she would be long gone, and there was no way for him to make her stay, or at least say goodbye to her. All he had was the letter. As his tears stopped he summoned all his strength to reign in his emotions. He set his face in a blank expression, and headed out to the break room to see if the others knew about this.

######################################

When he had found them all huddled in the break room he instantly knew that they had heard the news themselves. Though they had told each other that they had each received a letter from Catherine, they never shared the contents of the letters; instead they kept her words secret. When Grissom had entered the break room an hour later, eyes red and an expressionless look to him no one mentioned the letters nor Cath's absence as the assignments were handed out and they each went on with the job.

Nick's hands had once again found their way to his tie and it wasn't until they were snatched away that he remembered Warrick was in the room.

Warrick had watched Nick as he fell silent and still, his reflection in the mirror told him that he was lost in thought and he had a good idea where his thoughts were.

His kept drifting to the same place. Catherine's letters.

He could still recall what he felt and what he read as if it were only yesterday.

############################################

He had come rushing into the building, an hour early hoping to catch a word with Catherine before shift started and everyone else arrived.

He wanted to talk to her about his new girlfriend and try to cheer her up as he had noticed how down she had looked recently.

Racing into the Locker room he expected to find her in front of her locker applying her last minute makeup or just staring into space as she had been a lot lately. He didn't expect the room to be empty. Taking off his jacket and opening his locker he tried to think of where she would be. He almost missed the small envelope lying on the shelf. Picking it up he recognised Catherine's handwriting and was filled with dread. He knew what was coming, but he hoped it was just a letter of thanks or and invitation. Opening and unfolding the letter he paused only to sit on the bench, before reading it. The words flew into his mind as if she were speaking them to him.

_Dear Warrick,_

_You probably already know what this letter is for. You always seem to know what I'm thinking and what you can do to help, and I would love to be able to let you help me with this, but it's something that I need to get through myself._

_You are one of two people that know me the most, and I thank you for taking the time to do that. I know that I can trust you to take over from me as not only second in command, but by looking out for everyone else there, especially Greg, don't let him get into too much trouble._

_You are an incredibly sensitive and sweet man and I only hope that you find someone who can see that. I will never forget how much of a comfort you were to me after my attack, and I will always remember how much of a friend you have always been._

_I think of everyone you will understand my decision most, but I also know that you will be angry with me, and I accept that. I am angry with myself too but this is something I must do, and I hope that one day you will understand why this had to happen and know that I will miss you so much._

_Love always,_

_Catherine W_

He sat in the same position looking at the letter until he heard someone open the door behind him. He shook himself alert again and stood in front of his still open locker. He couldn't believe she was gone, but more than that, he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it earlier. Now he could see the regretful looks she kept sending people the last few days. He hadn't taken any notice at the time and had accepted her excuses of sickness for the lack of spark in her step. He couldn't help think that if he had paid attention sooner he may have been able to help her. But then he remembered something she had written, she needed to get through this herself. Maybe there really wasn't anything he could have done.

##########################################

He was brought back from the memory by the movement of Nick's hand as he began fiddling with his tie again. He moved over to him and pulled Nick's hands away, to rest at his sides. The contact seemed to break Nick from his trance and both men looked at each other with knowing and understanding. Warrick patted Nick on the shoulder for encouragement and a smile grew on his face. Just as Nick was about to thank Warrick, the door burst open and a flustered Greg barged through it.


	11. The Wedding: Part Two

Sara stood in front of the long mirror as she positioned the veil on her head. Even though members of her family were crowded around outside, she stood alone in the dressing room. It was how she wanted it. She didn't want people fussing over her and telling her how to prepare herself. The only people she would even consider fussing over her were in the other dressing room, well except for Gil and Cath; Greg had said he couldn't find them. She just hoped Cath hadn't run again. She needed them both today. It took seeing them again, the whole group back together, to realise how right it was and how wrong it had been without her. Even the letter couldn't replace Catherine.

###########################################

Upon entering the Locker room she heard a shuffle and then silence again. Walking in further she found Warrick standing at his locker. His eyes seemed slightly glazed over, a distant look on his face. She went over to him and tapped him lightly on the shoulder; that seemed to break him from what ever had held his attention. Turning to look at her, his lips turned up into a forced smile, as he closed his locker door and slowly left the room.

After standing still in confusion for several minutes, she turned to her own locker. She instantly spotted the letter in the almost empty space. Taking it out, she continued hanging up her jacket. She had firmly shut the locker and sat down on the bench before allowing her curiosity to overtake her. She was expecting some sort of practical joke letter from the guys, or possible an invitation to some party or something, she didn't expect the letter she found.

_Dear Sara,_

_I bet you are surprised to find this letter. I'm probably the last person you expected a letter from, but that's probably my fault. I want to take this opportunity to say that I'm sorry. I know that recently we have been able to get closer and I value you as a friend, but we didn't really hit it off when you first arrived. I guess it was some kind of jealousy._

_I'm sure that one day you will make a great Supervisor, but just remember not to get too emotionally involved with each case. As cold as it sounds that is the best thing for everyone involved. I hope this doesn't sound too much like a lecture, but I just want to try to help you one last time._

_It's going to be up to you to look after the guys; keep them in line, and I know you'll do great, but make sure you don't get lost in the work. Maybe go out with the guys some nights. Don't think I haven't seen the way you look at Nick. I can see you really like him, and I don't think it is all one sided. Just make sure you don't wait too long._

_Love always,_

_Catherine W_

She smiled after reading the letter again. She hadn't realised she was that transparent. Then she remembered what else Catherine had said. She was to look after the guys now, that meant that Catherine was going, or already gone. Suddenly she understood why Warrick had been acting so weirdly when she had walked in. He must have known. Wiping away the few tears that had slipped through her emotional walls, she headed to the Break room, certain that Warrick felt a lot worse than she did.

Warrick was worse than her. And when Nick entered about an hour later they all just sat on the couch in the Break room, staring at the seat Catherine usually occupied, until Grissom came in and handed out the assignments. Even Greg was miserable. His usual spark gone.

########################################

A gentle tap on the door broke Sara from her memories. Calling for them to enter, and straightening herself out she turned towards the door as four people stepped through.

...


End file.
